Walking The Dog

Littlest in the car on the way home from school: "What does tempted mean?" "And determined - isn't that the same?" Somehow, we got onto strawberries and in particular the last strawberry sitting, lonely, on a plate. "So, if I'm tempted to have the strawberry that just means that I'd really like it. And if I'm determined to have it, then I'm jolly well not going to share it, and it's mine, no matter what." Think she got that one! She's also tempted to sack the tooth fairy who has forgotten every night for the last 2 weeks to deliver payment for her tooth and if I might speak on behalf of the tooth fairy, there is equal determination on her side to remember. Maybe.

Question to Littlest: How does the tooth fairy know that your tooth has fallen out? "Well ... if you take an x-ray then you'll see right deep inside the tooth there's a tiny message. When the tooth falls out the message is released and flies off to the tooth fairy. She receives it on her phone - hundreds and hundreds of messages every day, round about three thousand - and she scrolls down them to see where she has to go. Then she comes." Quite simple really. "Oh, and she makes a special wish, like a spell,  for the child when she collects the tooth - like: I hope your teeth will grow big and strong and that you'll look after them for ever. And depending on how good you have been since you were born that decides how much money you get - if you have been an extremely brilliant girl and made no mistakes in your life then you probably deserve about two pounds!" I wonder how much the tooth fairy will leave ...

That is the question - does the tooth remain beneath the pillow, or not? "That's a very good point," says Littlest, index finger pointing in the air. This is her subsequent explanation of what should happen: "The tooth fairy puts the money in her rucsac. Then she goes in her Penelope car, even if she is not going to France, because, remember, she lives in Granny's garden, which is quite a very long distance away. When she arrives, she puts the money under the pillow. But she doesn't take the tooth away. She only takes a littlest, tiniest chip of the tooth. She collects loads of them up, then, when she thinks she's got enough to build a massive house, she builds a big tooth out of all the little chips of teeth, and she gets a pencil for the chimney and a lampshade for a roof and she sews - in/out/in/out - all the bits together. But, also, at about three hours past midnight, after she's got the chip of tooth and has put it in her rucsac, she get...

Birthday boy appears to be winning All happy (and heads clearing) in 18-year-old-land. And all happy in Littlest-tooth-land too Incoming flight - of fairy, bearing coin - booked for this evening. Hope she remembers!

... and no, it's not what you think! - Dentition still very much in position. Littlest sat in a frustrated heap, on the bottom step of the stairs, this evening, "I think," she said, "that there's a special potion in toothpaste that makes you really, really hungry as soon as you've brushed your teeth. It's not fair! All I can have now is water: and breakfast is just too long a time to wait." Too long a time to wait - just how much longer can a tooth fairy be kept in suspense?

Tooth-fairy services still not required. Tooth remains stubbornly wobbly. So dilemma now is - will she have to travel to France, or not? Will Lady Penelope's car be called into service? Or will the flight time be short enough for little wings? It all depends on how fast the tooth fairy flies. Because, apparently, the company of tooth fairies live inside the big tree, in the middle of the grass, in Granny's garden. So, if the tooth waits 24 hours until back in Blighty and if the fairy is speedy, the distance could be covered in an hour. But if she is slower, then the car will be needed. Perhaps the eating of an apple could be encouraged .... euro or pound?

A lot of thought has gone into how the tooth fairy is going to get here (France), if needed - Apparently, there is a whole company of tooth fairies, who live in England, in a village of tooth shaped houses, with lampshades for roofs and pencil chimneys. The houses are, naturally, built of teeth. When a child's tooth is about to fall out, the fairies get a day's warning, so that they can prepare for the journey. If they have to travel far, such as France, then they can borrow Lady Penelope's flying, pink car. Because a fairy can only fly for about an hour, before her wings get tired. And, in case you wondered, they can shrink the car when they are flying and store it in their fairy rucsac. The tooth fairy won't get lost, because Lady Penelope's car has sat nav. And she won't take the ferry across the channel, because a fairy on a ferry sounds silly! In case she gets hungry, she will have a bag of fruit peelings - apple, plum and banana. And it takes a lot ...

Why do we lie to our children? Where did that tradition come from? While I'm all for encouraging the magic of Christmas, isn't there enough in the giving and receiving of gifts? The sparkle in a child's eye on Christmas morning (the one that melts a parent's heart and makes all the preparations worthwhile) is part to do with the lack of sleep, the lights and baubles on the tree, and the excitement of the presents to unwrap. Would it really lose much, or anything, if the old man in the red suit were removed from the proceedings? I believe in stories, make believe and fairy tales, but don't try to tell my children that Snow White or Rumplestiltskin are true! And where did the Easter Bunny spring from? We had Easter Eggs from our parents and friends, and even the occasional family egg hunt, but were never told that any of it came from the Easter Bunny, when I was a child. And as for the tooth fairy... I am hook, line and sinker sunk in the pretence of the toot...