Walking The Dog

Recent hypothetical text message from parent to adult son - Been in the garden all day. Time for a bath first then I'll leave, with you by 8. Chilly here - have you had snow? See you soon. Lots of  love xx PS. Bought too many aubergines yesterday - would you like some? All very mundane; boring even? Hmmm. In an effort to save time or appear somehow with-it or hip or whatever term is used now to mean 'not ancient', the parent could instead have sent this - Been in the garden all day. Time for 🛁. Chilly here - do you have ❄️.  PS. Would you like some 🍆? Lots of X Yes, I punctuate my texts. Punctuation, however, isn't the point here. Or rather it's not the only thing unmasking me as someone who is not hip/cool/sic or lit (which list, of course, proves without a doubt that I am none of these things). No. The point is that with the insertion of a few emojis, I changed an innocent message about gardening, the weather and vegetables, into something x-rat...

Well this has been a rather different day. First - just as I was beginning to think it was time to stretch; to push my uncle's legs off my tummy and wonder about what might be causing the beginnings of an itch behind my right ear - our mum woke the whole house up. She ran around upstairs - at 6:08am - telling our two-legged sisters to get up. Because she thought they'd slept in. Because she thought it was 8:06am. Because she hadn't put her glasses on. She then giggled loudly for about ten minutes. Which our two-legged sisters thought a bit odd. And a bit unfeeling, given that they would much rather still be asleep. So we got an early breakfast. Littlest - our smallest two-legged sister - did sleep in after that. And had to take her breakfast to eat on the bus on the way to school. Mum had stopped giggling by the time she had breakfast. I think the look on Littlest's face probably helped. Anyway ... next we overheard the W word. And jumped around an...