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Men!!!

Ten little things you probably know about men already -


  1. that saying to your male partner that you 'like the red one ... because it's red' is the surest route to suffering patronising ridicule when purchasing a car
  2. that trying to give directions to a man when you are unable to quote the actual road numbers - never mind the fact that you accurately state 'third turning on the left after the postbox opposite the Fighting Hens pub' - will result in the same ridicule as in 1. above
  3. that filling the dishwasher is a man's job. Only he will maximise the mug-space-potential. It may take him several minutes of tutting and sighing noisily but he will fit every last mug on the worktop into the dishwasher if it's the last thing he does. It usually is the last thing. As he struggles manfully on, long after everyone else has gone to bed.
  4. that men think women incapable of packing a car boot with the luggage, prams, cycle helmets, dozens of soft toys and picnic boxes required for a family holiday. And tut and repack the rattling chaos should a woman attempt the task first. Most women don't bother and make themselves busy doing something else - a nice relaxing cup of tea before departure time ... it's going to take him at least half an hour of frantic squashing of bags to maximise the view in the rear- view mirror.
  5. that men hate soft toys. They don't see the point of them. They only see their space-filling- capacity which gets in the way of the fine detail of car packing - too many soft toys threatens visibility. They fail to understand that a child does not want her rabbit squashed between the suitcase and the bike carrier to prevent chafing of metal on plastic.They wish that soft toys were left at home and dictate that 'only one' should ever be taken on holiday.They fail to notice the distress this decree causes - 'Who will look after the lonely ones abandoned at home?'.
  6. that the school run is something that men should never do. Okay, perhaps taking to school in the morning is fine; good for their ego - suited, serious guy, loads of bright morning-eyed yummy mummies - and finite: take kid to school, drop kid, get on with the day. Collecting the dirty, tired, grumpy and starving monster at the end of the school day is best left to mum. Mum doesn't mind if her car is permanently full of crumbs and wrappers. She can cope with tears. She has the patience for times tables and spellings, even when it takes weeks for '7x8' and the spelling of 'because' to sink in. She can clean and feed and make the child presentable for dad's homecoming.
  7. that men obsess about the mpg of their cars. Of their friends' cars. Of any car. And particularly about the dip in mpg when their wife or girlfriend borrows their car.
  8. that a man without food in his belly is like a bear with a very sore head. That food plus wine is better that any sleeping tablet. And that the washing up can always wait until the morning because by the time he gets up it will have been done.
  9. that a man can recall the number plates of all his cars. And quite possibly of all his parents' cars too. 
  10. that men hate dog hairs. They variously love, tolerate or detest dogs but they forget that dogs moult. They see dog hairs everywhere. And they're not wrong - there are indeed dog hairs in rooms that are out-of-bounds to the dogs. But the rest of us don't notice. Men notice everything, from straying dog hairs to the dying broccoli lurking in the fridge that you purchased, failed to use and had forgotten was there. They also notice rattles - in the car, on the radio, when the vacuum cleaner runs. Rattles are definitely a man-thing. And have to rank near the top of the 'Things that are most-annoying-to-men' league tables.
More on men another day ...


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