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Of truth and lies

When is it good, or acceptable to tell a lie? Seldom, is the answer we teach our children. Note, it isn't never - a child quickly learns through observation that adults sometimes lie, or fail to tell the whole truth - "we were late because we got stuck behind a tractor on the single track road on our way to school" is a convenient and often true excuse for tardiness in our family, but hides the unspoken "we spent five minutes extra in bed, because we are lazy, and then couldn't find both school shoes," which was the fuller version of the facts. That children also eventually learn that their parents have lied for years about Father Christmas, the tooth fairy, the Easter Bunny and monsters that will creep out from under their beds and eat them if the won't go to sleep, perhaps underlines the erosion of respect between young teen and parent - "he's spent years lying to me, so why should I tell him the truth about where I'm going?"

Anyway, I digress - I think lying is also acceptable when it is concealed in a compliment - the "yes, you look lovely in that" type of gentle, well meant lie - you shut your brain to the truth and allow your mouth to warble inane pleasantries all on its own. The recipient of course knows that the pleasantries are inane, but is flattered that you cared enough to lie. So, it could be argued that to lie in this instance is both generous and good. However, beware the recipient who actively goes out in search of compliments - they are tiresome people and need to be told the truth - the absolute, harsh truth. Eventually. Expect tears, tantrums and an escalation in efforts to regain those old compliments - but don't give in, be brutal, because honesty is the only way to break such needy behaviour.

Telling lies is complex. But easy. We all do it, several times a day. Hopefully, mostly the good, well intentioned ones. Few of us happily admit to it though.

Telling the truth, conversely, can be really hard.  Whether it is to admit that you have done something wrong, or to break bad news. And how many of us take the time to pay real compliments to others?

To whistle-blow is perhaps the hardest type of truth to tell. Especially, as all to often, it is the whistleblower who is made a scapegoat. But it is always, always right to tell the truth where something that might harm others is afoot. The guilt of watching the fallout from informing is far far less than the guilt of standing by and watching as a bad situation gets worse.

So of truth and lies - what should we teach our children? -

To tell the truth at all times, especially when it puts a smile on someone's face. And only lie when not to do so would be unkind. Be economic with the truth at your discretion and whistle blow when it prevents harm. Always, and in essence - be true to yourself.

Preachy bit over for today - a bit of frivolity, in observational terms, follows next.

So come back in a couple of hours. Smile. Be happy. (I know - I'm still preaching ... sorry!)

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