Recipe for a bonfire that is all flame and not much smoke

Bit of a gripe follows - sorry:

First, ensure that you are really, incredibly tired: Littlest couldn't sleep last night, and the result ... I couldn't sleep either. After she appeared bleary-eyed at midnight and chatted til after 1am, we eventually fell asleep, in her single bed, with me wedged against the wall. So multi-yawning fest today...

Next, be irritating. Unintentionally of course, the 'not my fault type', the type that makes you pussy-foot everywhere for fear of irritation escalation. If you succeed, then later in the day, you will be drawn by self-preservation, to the far end of the garden. For as long as possible. Doing something important. Something that has been a source of irritation itself, because weeks have gone by, you've been reminded, many times, and still you haven't got round to doing it, until today. Exemplary timing.

Lastly, in consideration of neighbours and in interests of preventing hedgerow blaze, start fire small, let it get very hot and keep it small. This ensures not too much smoke, lots of flame and an activity that can be prolonged just as long as it takes you and Four-legged-friend to dissect the 'rabbit house'; slowly and responsibly looking for hedgehogs and any other residents of the bonfire heap. (For 'rabbit house' explanation you will have to search previous blogs looking for one where Four-legged-friend is puzzled by human gardening activities with wheel barrow, loppers and the building of piles of garden rubbish - bonfire heap or rabbit house?).

Keep it going - on, and on, and on. Bad for the climate, probably, but good for clearing the head.

Never too dark for a bone

Stop when you can no longer see what you are doing, when you feel overly smoked, and when a cup of tea beckons ... and if you find that you are still irritating, have a hot bath and something stronger.

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Walking The Dog

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