All those little things

Little things - the things that don't really matter, the things we can and do live without, the things we stumble upon and notice only when we're not too busy, the things that may not exist except in our imagination but that if we could capture and hold them would make our lives better - these are the little things I would wish for

• intelligent grass (Yes! Getting off to an improbable start.I know. But stick with me, the probability of veering close to reality improves with the other little things below. For now lets get back to this one ...) - grass that senses when it is growing at the edge of a flower bed, aligns itself neatly in the horizontal plane and never creeps vertically down the precisely cut lawn edge and would baulk at the idea of throwing runners out onto the pristine soil between the flowers.( Hmmm ... if only it were pristine.)

• bottled kisses - I'm not talking about the full mouth kiss of lovers but the familial peck on the cheek between parent and child - the kiss that says I love you utterly; that is unconditional and more precious than any material gift. It is the same kiss that the judgement of their peers forces children to suppress at the school gate but still crave at bedtime. It is the kiss that rewards a mother more than any whispered thank you. It is the kiss that cares

• glasses that clean themselves; that never smear when touched; that sit obediently on the bridge of your nose without ever sliding either up (too close to your eyes where your eye lashes paint the inside of the lenses with tears) or down (necessitating the finger push and the inevitable smudged finger print)

• dog biscuits that don't smell foul and that don't crumble into pocket gravel

• time limited nail varnish - I haven't fully thought this one through, but Littlest likes to paint her nails, my nails, and the nails of any visiting friend (such are her powers of persuasion that many a young man has left our home hoping that his mother, girlfriend, sister, female neighbour has some nail varnish remover). Many too the Monday morning when Littlest has walked into school, hands in tight fists, so that no teacher will notice her nails. A nail varnish with a built in time-to-decay (say ... 24 hours) would also prevent my toes giving the impression that I make a habit of kicking stones around while not wearing any shoes. I know I could just remove the chipped paint with nail varnish remover but first I'd have to remember and second I'd have to find the time.

• chocolate that is all-that's-good-about-chocolate but without the eat-as-much-as-me-as-you'd-like-and-you'll-get-fat element.

• dog hair that becomes invisible as soon as it falls off the dog and lands on the floor. Or alternatively, dog hair that when swirling in playful eddies across the wooden kitchen floor is invisible to anyone male.

• a world without wasps. And warfare. And viruses. (Those are pretty big things actually. And worth wishing for.)

• an answer to the question - 'Why have you been lying to me for years? You told me lying was bad.' When you-know-who who eats the mince pies and pours the whisky back into the bottle is rumbled and found to be you-know-me.

• an intelligent music player that would not only automatically match your mood but also sense when to play a song or poem or segment of narrative to make your spirit soar.

• winter evenings, warm socks, a good glass of wine, a comfy chair, a good book and a sleepy, quiet house

• more Sherlock. Roll on January 1st. But not before we have enjoyed Christmas.