Life in a time of covid-19 - part 4: kindness

Do you remember that tight feeling in your hand at the end of exams - the clawed, feels-like-I-dipped-them-in-cement-three-hours-ago stiffness of fingers clamped round a pen; the numb divots in finger pads, and the heavy, whole arm and shoulder ache? I remembered it yesterday. First we had loo-roll shortages, swiftly followed by a complete disappearance of pasta and paracetamol and dog food and nappies, now there are shortages of medicines. But before you panic ... yes, there's a shortage of some things, but most common medicines are available in many different brands or there are 'similar enough' medications to make logical swaps. Though by the end of yesterday, logic was beginning to give way to desperation as our pharmacists started calling patients to check if they had really run out or could wait a couple of weeks. We live in very strange times. These shortages are a small and probably temporary part of that strangeness and will be lost as the bigger picture comes into focus and begins to fill in all of its colours.

When I started writing this blog, I resolved to dissociate it entirely from work and for several years that was fine. Now though, work feels so much part of life (which I thought I would never ever say) that it's hard not to mention it here. But I will make those mentions short. I think they add context to my word rambles. They certainly explain why after a gap, I feel driven to escape into this small safe place. If these words help me, that's all I need them to do. If they reach to anyone out there - you - that's a bonus.

Before I leave work-related pondering and the general fogginess of not being able to escape the tsunami that's coming, these words of Desmond Tutu can point us in the right direction

'Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all the darkness'

Also, if you haven't seen them yet, look on the internet for the pictures of the Matterhorn on #Matterhorn and @zermatt_tourism ... a stunning and incredible reminder that the natural world nurtures and inspires us and will help us to get through.



So to the weekend ... and a quick reminder to practise your ten gratitudes every day - see this blog sequence part 3. And in addition to those gratitudes, we could all learn how to be kind to ourselves. How do we do this? What is kindness?

Kindness: definition - the practice or behaviour of being kind, generous, caring, or considerate; origin (Macmillan Dictionary) - from old English 'kindenes' meaning noble deeds.

We know what kindness is. Don't we? Even if we seldom experience it; don't often witness it or struggle to know how to be kind to ourselves. Maybe we wonder why being kind is important. Maybe I'm taking a dive down a sceptical path but some of us undoubtedly don't experience kindness very often in our lives. And the sadness of unkindnesses is hard to bear. But ... yep! as I have said before - many, many times - there is always a but; you just have to look for it and when you find it, acknowledge it ... the easiest place to start is with ourselves. So let's embrace that but ... best not to read that last statement out loud incase anyone thinks you've added a t to the last word! Though if you want to embrace your butt through exercise and fitness, that's fine!

Kindness towards others is easier to define and do than kindness towards yourself.

Why? Because the human mind seems to be hard wired with self-criticism circuits - I'm too fat; too lazy; too stupid; too ugly; too old; too restless; too slow; too tired; too boring; too unimaginative; too scared...
These are all negative thoughts and all very common. Does anyone ever tell themselves I'm too clever; too beautiful; too fit; too popular ... etc - maybe, but even a narcissist telling himself he has tremendous intelligence will in doing so compare himself to others -

'Sorry losers and haters, but my I.Q. is one of the highest -and you all know it! Please don't feel so stupid or insecure,it's not your fault'

... the punctuation mistakes are his.

Narcissists aside, another President, Theodore Rooseveldt - I wonder what his IQ was - said

'comparison is the thief of joy'

The thief of joy ... we need to stop. What is behind the too of all those too fats, too olds, too slows etc? Is it fear that we're not good enough; fear that if we try harder we'll fail; fear that no-one cares and that we no longer care ourselves; fear that everyone else is having a better life, and underpinning all of these, that if we try harder we won't succeed anyway, so it's easier not to bother? Blimey! Step back and see how cruel we are to ourselves. We all do it. That little voice of doubt and despair inside our heads. The burden of all this self-inflicted cruelty is manifest in misery, despair, depression and low self-esteem.

Do you see what I am saying? Do you recognise any of this? Only a narcissist won't.

How do we slap away that little voice of doubt and despair? With practice; much much practice. Every time we shrug 'I'm too ... ' we need to stop and hear it, say 'hi, we've met before but this time I'm not listening', then package it up and push it away. Push, slap, shove - whatever it takes. These toos are persistent beasts - they will keep coming back and each time we need to see them, say hi, package them and send them on their way. The more you do this, the higher that pile of toos and the greater your resilience. All this acknowledging and dispatching is intrinsic to being kind to yourself.

You are not too anything. You are who you are. Acknowledge that and give yourself a gentle pat on the back.

As Grouch Marx said

I have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

Happy pic to end: the best method known to man to warm tired feet at the end of a long day -