Skip to main content

Four-legged-friend and the night patrol

Picture this - dusk; last birds crescendoing into their twilight chorus; Littlest in bed; glass of wine poured; dinner (almost) in the oven; teenager engaging with arias at the piano; Bertie Baggins heavy-lidded, creeping, body close to the floor in case we see him, towards his desired destination curled up against the Aga; last jobs of the day in hand - laundry being folded and mis-matched socks paired; idle chatter or none at all - peace has indeed descended ... on the household inside.

Outside, Four-legged-friend is gearing his voice up for the night bark, the need to let the world out there know that 'I'm here, this is a dog-protected haven and I AM THE PROTECTOR! So jolly-well go and create your mischief somewhere else. There will be no mischief-making on my watch.' If I go outside and shout at him, it either panics him because suddenly his mum is outside and she above all (as principle provider of sustenance) needs to be kept safe, or he thinks I'm joining in and the volume increases. Only when I mention the prospect of a carrot-end, or bit of broccoli-stalk, does the barking cease and he comes inside, huffing and puffing like an elderly colonel, and spluttering carroty spittle all over the sleepy, young  upstart, Bertie Baggins.

A friend suggested that the other man of the house should take Four-legged-friend out on a lead and calmly walk the boundary. Every night. In the dark. Thereby, relieving Four-legged-friend of the burden of being top dog. Apparently, their golden retriever adopted this leader-of-the-pack mentality when they brought their puppy home and the accompanied night patrol cured him of his barking and pacified their neighbours. We don't have any neighbours. And that man-to-man night walk is never going to happen in this house. So Four-legged-friend will go on with his slightly nervous dusk patrol - he always seems to be a bit too relieved to come inside. Especially, when a distant fox starts coughing back at him.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Colour, Delacroix, flochetage and why don't we all have a go at inventing words

Yes - it is a real word. Flochetage. Well, a real-ish word. One invented by the painter Delacroix, when he found the dictionary cupboard bare and required a word to describe his technique of layering different coloured paints, using lightly pulled brush strokes to create texture and pattern and thereby enhance his base-layer colours (... lost? - stick around, read on and all will become clear. Or perhaps muddier ...). Flochetage implies both stringiness and threadiness. Apparently. And it sounds good - in a filling-the-mouth-with-sound sort of a way. Try it ... flochetaaaage. Not that I speak French. So I am probably mis-pronouncing it. Nor am I an artist. So what do I know about painting techniques - except that I think this one works. What I do like is the concept - you invent a new technique in whatever it is you do, hunt around for the vocabulary to describe it, find the dictionary is lacking, so make up a word of your own and announce to the world what it means. Delacroix isn...

Curlews, summer skies and walking in circles.

Summer skies over the Yorkshire Dales and my mind is set to rest mode. But that rest is not totally restful; there is a niggle ... a memory, a hint of childhood, something that unsettles slightly - a light brush stroke of discomfort; a gossamer breath of discombobulation and a 'Woah! Wait a moment!' moment of 'that's-not-right!' - we're about as far from the sea as it is possible to be in middle Britain and yet, I can hear the distinctive Peep! Peep! of oystercatchers and the piercing cry of curlew. Here -  in the blue skies of the North Yorkshire dales and along the footpaths - and above the endless miles of drystone walls are birds that should be at the coast.  Oystercatchers, with their distinctive red pliers attached to their heads feed on - you've guessed it - oyster beds. All along the coastline of the British Isles, their distinctive cry is the call of summer. Drowned out somewhat by the banter of seagulls but sharp and ...

Heaven clearly can't wait. Ranting and screaming inside. Growing old and lecturing ... myself, mostly.

What follows should come with a warning - it is a preachy rant. Stop now if you're not in the mood for a lecture. Or, if you're into procrasti-reading, read on and (hopefully) enjoy my latest piece of procrasti-writing. Apologies too for the reference to elderly leakages. And farts. And now, for being deeply irreverent. Sorry. Heaven  can't  wait. Meatloaf was wrong. Clearly the 'band of Angels' is impatiently putting together a gig. There's a party happening which we haven't been invited to. Yet. What a terrible year 2016 has been, so far. And we are barely dipping our winter-wrapped toes into Spring. Is it that the roll-call of those summoned to a higher place grows ever more poignant as we age? Prince was but a few years older than me. Victoria Wood, a meaningless number of years older still. Meaningless because what does age mean astride the long plateau of middle age before the eventual slide into decrepitude? A few years here, a few there - we...