I really don't understand humans

Are humans always this strange - or is it just my humans?

Mum spent all afternoon doing this. And when I tried to help her, she shooed me away, or tugged on my collar. So, instead I decided to stand guard

And bark a bit at passing cars. But that seemed to make Mum cross, too, which I though was rather ungrateful - you never know who might be travelling down our road. We're not that far from London you know.

Next, Mum did something even stranger (I have seen her do it before, but I still don't know why). She made a big pile in the green trolley thing

And took it for a walk!! Which is more than I've had today. As if that weren't bad enough, she tipped her pile onto an even bigger pile that we found at the bottom of the garden

Crazy behaviour, don't you think - I mean why move piles around and what's the big pile for? It's a bit of a mess, but the rabbits seem to like it, so it smells good. Maybe that's the plan - she's building them a big rabbit house.

Finally, just in case she hadn't convinced me that she had lost the plot, already, she took the trolley for another walk

Empty!! Like taking the dog for a walk (tomorrow hopefully) but leaving me at home!

And one more thing, that I find very puzzling - we have two of these in our garden

What are they for? I've never seen anyone use them. They collect a lot of bird poo (which is sometimes good as a snack when the rabbits haven't been around much) ... but I am suspicious that they might have some other purpose. With a cushion or two, they'd make quite good seats!

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Colour, Delacroix, flochetage and why don't we all have a go at inventing words

Yes - it is a real word. Flochetage. Well, a real-ish word. One invented by the painter Delacroix, when he found the dictionary cupboard bare and required a word to describe his technique of layering different coloured paints, using lightly pulled brush strokes to create texture and pattern and thereby enhance his base-layer colours (... lost? - stick around, read on and all will become clear. Or perhaps muddier ...). Flochetage implies both stringiness and threadiness. Apparently. And it sounds good - in a filling-the-mouth-with-sound sort of a way. Try it ... flochetaaaage. Not that I speak French. So I am probably mis-pronouncing it. Nor am I an artist. So what do I know about painting techniques - except that I think this one works. What I do like is the concept - you invent a new technique in whatever it is you do, hunt around for the vocabulary to describe it, find the dictionary is lacking, so make up a word of your own and announce to the world what it means. Delacroix isn...

Curlews, summer skies and walking in circles.

Summer skies over the Yorkshire Dales and my mind is set to rest mode. But that rest is not totally restful; there is a niggle ... a memory, a hint of childhood, something that unsettles slightly - a light brush stroke of discomfort; a gossamer breath of discombobulation and a 'Woah! Wait a moment!' moment of 'that's-not-right!' - we're about as far from the sea as it is possible to be in middle Britain and yet, I can hear the distinctive Peep! Peep! of oystercatchers and the piercing cry of curlew. Here - in the blue skies of the North Yorkshire dales and along the footpaths - and above the endless miles of drystone walls are birds that should be at the coast. Oystercatchers, with their distinctive red pliers attached to their heads feed on - you've guessed it - oyster beds. All along the coastline of the British Isles, their distinctive cry is the call of summer. Drowned out somewhat by the banter of seagulls but sharp and ...

Heaven clearly can't wait. Ranting and screaming inside. Growing old and lecturing ... myself, mostly.

What follows should come with a warning - it is a preachy rant. Stop now if you're not in the mood for a lecture. Or, if you're into procrasti-reading, read on and (hopefully) enjoy my latest piece of procrasti-writing. Apologies too for the reference to elderly leakages. And farts. And now, for being deeply irreverent. Sorry. Heaven can't wait. Meatloaf was wrong. Clearly the 'band of Angels' is impatiently putting together a gig. There's a party happening which we haven't been invited to. Yet. What a terrible year 2016 has been, so far. And we are barely dipping our winter-wrapped toes into Spring. Is it that the roll-call of those summoned to a higher place grows ever more poignant as we age? Prince was but a few years older than me. Victoria Wood, a meaningless number of years older still. Meaningless because what does age mean astride the long plateau of middle age before the eventual slide into decrepitude? A few years here, a few there - we...

Walking The Dog

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